the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
