He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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