you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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