You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
