you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
