I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
