I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
