Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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