Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
