Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Randomize
