if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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