Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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