I faked an abortion last night.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
