I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
