I seem to have left my pride at pride
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
