Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
