I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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