so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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