Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
