I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
