i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
