tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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