He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
