we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
