oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
