Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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