then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
