i already hear my dad disowning me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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