I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
