READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
