For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
