I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
