How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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