remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
