I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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