Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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