my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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