I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
