Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
