We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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