oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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