its not stalking. its research.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
