My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
