dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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