If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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