I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
