I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
