She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
