Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
