I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
