Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
